• Chantel Matthews

convoluted & deadpan

Developing a writing style... Most days, I feel inadequate when it comes to motherhood, as I compare my doings to those of my friends who are experts in toddler pedagogy. They send me pictures of playtime where they have whipped up homemade play dough, ice block stick figures, puppets and cardboard houses. I was hanging the clothes on the line, so I put him on my shoulders. What usually took 5 minutes, seemed like twenty, he color codes the pegs with the clothing. I unpacked the kitchen cupboard, he repacked them tidy like unaware that cupboard wouldn't shut. We carried on this way. I resent screen time as he wriggles, dancing to foreign families, "but it makes me happy māmā, 4 years old. My husband thinks its ok, he works in technology. He wears glasses and doesn't like to read. After a ten minute shut up and write session, the words convoluted and deadpan were used to describe my writing. I quite like the idea of trying this as a style of writing that becomes part of the practice. Most days, I am on automatic pilot, and multiple conversations are being had. In my head, I am planning dinner, scheduling pick up times, wondering if the marriage is stale, making, thinking of making, hoping my son gets a job, mulling over the conversations with girlfriends who use me as a pillow for their tears and for their accomplishments. I am blessed. When the hubby is planning a shower, I have already gone through an entire day's work. Considering a practice of ebbs and flows, form and formlessness, work that is very serious, emotional, and personal. I would like to be able to step outside of it, let the ego go just a bit, just enough for it to become its own person, it's own living or non-living self. Criteria Convoluted Deadpan Tortuous logic difficult to follow complicated involved intricate folded in curves woven appear to be serious, hiding the fact that it really is